Thursday, July 9, 2009

Picking up the pieces, and watching them fall

I feel as though my life has become nothing but a reminder to others that things could be worse. Each morning is painful, I force myself out of bed, and waste away my time until some event that can distract me comes along. Nothing ever really distracts me though. I am always thinking about it, always. It's so fucking unfair. Friends having fun just reminds me of how my summer and my life is turning out so differently then i thought. I am resenting people who have had an easy life, and I don't want to be that person. And for the love of God no one tell me it just takes time, or that it will all be okay. I know it will get better with time, but that doesn't help me cope. Things are already screwed up, nothing will fix that!

1 comment:

Faye Wray said...

It is painful. It sucks and nothing anyone can say changes that. You're doing the right thing: moving through each day. Putting one foot in front of the other. It's okay to be angry and it's okay to be resentful because you're going through a pile of shit. The thing is, you can't let the anger and resentment eat you up, or they just turn into poison and the only one it will hurt is you. I speak from experience. It hurts like someone's ripped your heart out and stomped on it and handed it back and now they expect you to be grateful.

I don't want to tell you what you already know but don't know, I just want to say that I know what you feel, to a certain extent, and how sometimes you feel as though you'll cave in on yourself because it hurts so bad. I'll just share this advice, which I learned the hard way-through trial and much error:
Never let your emotions fester. Let them out, some way, talk about them, write about them, find angry music to sing along with--letting them fester for too long leads only to you hurting you.
It's okay to be mad.
It's okay to be happy.
Try to dance. Even if it is swaying forlornly to something, do it.
Have faith in your friends.
Realize that you are stronger and braver than you think.

I don't want to offend you, or preach to you, and I know we don't know each other well at all, I just want you to know that there is someone out here who knows how fucking bad shit can hurt and you can get through it. I'm sorry if this is strange or creepy to you. But. Just go forward. A little every day.